这学期艺术对于我而言发生了很大的转变。艺术曾经于我而言不过是触手可得的，我可以在任何一种问题面前选择以艺术作为表达方式。但是，突然，我没办法这么做了。说来可笑：对于我而言，艺术变成了一种奢求。我一再的放纵自己不去对忙碌又虚无的现状进行主动的改变，我无形中顺应着。当然，最后自食恶果。
Art has changed a lot for me this semester. For me, art was only at my fingertips, and I can choose art as a way of expression in the face of any problem. But suddenly, I couldn’t do this. It’s ridiculous: For me, art has become a luxury. I have repeatedly indulged myself not to make active changes to the busy and empty status quo, and I virtually complied. Of course, in the end, you will suffer the consequences.
我曾在上学期的self-evaluation中写过，我希望自己能够更加包容而不是一味的一句自己的观点做出过量的价值判断。这学期则完全相反，我几乎以一种”全盘接收”的态度对待外来信息和反馈。并且，这会导致我对于人类的消极态度逐步加强。
I wrote in the self-evaluation last semester that I hope that I can be more tolerant rather than blindly making excessive value judgments with my own opinions. This semester is quite the opposite. I almost treat external information and feedback with a “full acceptance” attitude. And, this will cause my negative attitude towards humans to gradually strengthen.
对于人，我不在认为我是能被理解的，我不在追求表达，我不在寻求共鸣。更加通俗来讲，我降低了我的期待。我并不喜欢这样，我觉得这像是一种被磨平棱角的趋势。很恐怖。这样做还有另一个显著特征就是，我很累。我疲于包容各种事情的发生，甚至并不是包容，而是收容。我需要付出比以往更多的经历去尝试消化和理解。我变得闷闷的。
For people, I no longer think that I can be understood, I am not seeking expression, I am not seeking empathy. More generally speaking, I lowered my expectations. I don’t like this, I think it’s like a trend of being smoothed out. very horrifying. Another distinctive feature of this is that I am very tired. I am tired of tolerating all kinds of things happening, not even tolerating, but to containment. I need to give more experience than ever to try to digest and understand. I became bored.
后来，我将其推测为“信息过载”–由于我的收容导致过多信息涌入，而我显然无法处理，但我也不能扔了，那有点浪费。所以我只能来一个，处理一个，拆东墙，补西墙。幸好，这种足以导致经济危机的事情还没有导致我的精神危机。
Later, I speculated it as “information overload”-too much information flooded due to my containment, and I obviously couldn’t handle it, but I couldn’t throw it away. It was a bit wasteful. So I can only come to one, deal with one, tear down the east wall and make up the west wall. Fortunately, this kind of thing enough to cause an economic crisis has not caused my mental crisis.
当然，人永远不可能解决掉身上所有的问题，我一早便知道。
Of course, people can never solve all the problems on their bodies, I knew it early in the morning.
最后，如同每学期最后的self-evaluation那样，祝福一下自己。祝我自己依然保留创造的勇气以及对艺术的敬畏。
Finally, like the self-evaluation at the end of each semester, bless yourself. I wish myself the courage to create and the awe of art.
《在水中热爱火焰》
最终那条河流不仅仅是四条
我梦着他们流向喉咙
我不知道他们是睡着了还是忘记了
他们的名字–
没有一条醒着
醒着的是我
太阳饱受折磨的树枝
史黛西
于二○二一年一月二十四日