Un endroit plein de péché, mais les fleurs fleurissent.
Charles Baudelaire.
Everyone who knows me knew that I was addicted to the so-called ultimate sports, such as rock climbing, surfing, scuba diving, skiing, and so on. But what they knew is only the form of my expression of values. However, the reason for me to ultimately challenge my physical state is to acquire the feeling of going beyond myself.
I always wanted to be an activist about anything, no matter the expression of thoughts and feelings, criticize, talk to people, or make the world a better place. But as a person who is more introverted than extrovert, it requires me more effort to be active. On the other hand, I was highly attaching the importance of being seen as an eminent person and recognized by most people. I often am highly unconfident and very discreditably after making mistakes or being obtuse in front of others, which also reflects why it is more laborious for me to stand out and express myself. It is contradictory for me that being frightened to make mistakes and wanted to extend beyond myself. However, yearning for the sense of growing beyond and endeavouring illustriousness built up a reinforcing circle for me to stand against the panic of discreditable.
As mentioned above, I am an introverted person who depended myself on rational thinking. But somehow, I judge and make few decisions with intuition because I was not confident enough. Also, I feel much better working and concentrating on something alone. Yet, on the other hand, I crave companionship and concern from others, conceivable because I prefer to work independently, which took a significant part of the time for people my age.
In conclusion, I am enthusiastic about transcendental ego and being illustrious, but relishing fall into the lonely condition that also desires solicitude from people of my age.