一个题外话,我回到北京之后心情好了一些,我发现没有什么事是过不去的,当年我觉得和刘子洋的事逼得我要跳楼了,现在回想也不过如此,李雨阔对我来说也是同理,我太爱活在言情小说的虚幻幸福里了,然而所有女频小说都过于神化男性,所以我这两天回到现实层面上思考才终于理解什么叫“过去式”,况且他后面也有一段感情了,如果他真的对我还有感觉那岂不是更下头,所以be peaceful to everything can really makes me feel better, hate or the so-called deep love can only makes me being tracked in past memories.
I thought I won’t be very emotional, since the relationship between us is quite disacquaintance these years. However, when I really arrived at the hospital and inside the room, sadness still found and surrounded me, and lots of memory just suddenly appeared in my mind.
As I imagine, my grandma is very painful about left of her husband, and my dad is stronger than all of us. The funeral parlor is too busy, and these guys usually do not take their work seriously. They cannot dispatch a car to take my grandpa away for the next step(cremation). That could also be blamed on the Chinese government and the public health department because they said my grandpa is a patient with covid-19, then we won’t be able to hold a farewell ceremony. In contrast, we must let the public health department be responsible for this until they finish the cremation and my grandpa becomes the dust in the box.
Currently, he already finished the cremation, and his cremains had been preserved in the funeral parlor. I have to say the life of a human is weaker than I thought. Just in a few days that a living person who can still fluently speak becomes a little box. The ending is so soon and impactful for me. Even though English writing is quite challenging for me, but I still do not willing to change to my first language, it will let me feel more difficult to face the truth and other complex emtions. Thus, for having a brief conclusion, hope you will be happy in another world and don’t do so many bad things in the future. Also, as a grandfather, thank you for the accompany and love for 16 years.
我爷爷快死了, to be honest I totally don’t care about him. 可以说我对他仅存的一丝感情和同情都在这几个月的医疗过程里消磨殆尽了。我愈发敬佩做老年、临终关怀的人,大部分老人身上缠绕的死气和腐朽太重了,很难让人有靠近的欲望。我爷爷奶奶这一对怨偶,我本来不想多评价什么,都快离世了,能忍就忍忍,权当攒攒功德。但我奶奶每天都在我耳边哭,对着身边人无尽散发她的怨气,人太贪婪了,我们已经享受了这么好的医疗资源,她依然不知足。我每天在家里都很压抑,面对我母亲和我奶奶的抱怨,面对我不确定的未来,我唯一开心点的逃避方式就是打游戏:(