5.14号是我最后一门ap考试，考的language and composition。这一天结束，我感觉ap不过如此，骑了个小单车屁颠屁颠回家了。但我很不喜欢这种学期被分割开的节奏，开学一个月就是超级stressful的midterm&mock exam，两个月考ap，第三个月直接进入没学什么东西的期末季
好在一切都要慢慢结束了，这个学期的成绩虽然在midterm之后大翻车，但是又回升的很好，sat首考也考完了，对后面脉络越来越清晰。今天去见了中介和最心水的文书老师，感觉基本就定她了。Everything is on the track是我最需要看到的，我喜欢minimize the uncertainty in my life, even though it is impossible in most of the time. 但是这样的行事风格就很容易把自己逼上绝路，就像我和Sybill聊过的，对自己严苛的同时，对别人也会很不宽容
When we are talking about religion, the first things that come to mind might be the crucifixion, the falling of Jerusalem, and the Quran of Umma’s worship that all together build the glory of human civilization. But when we piece and reconstruct the narratives of Judaism, Islam, and Christianity, a commonality would appear within these religious origins that often overlooked, which is the inferiority and objectification of female characters. In the Garden of Eden, Eve is portrayed as the seductress who induces Adam to eat the apple so that responsible for man’s fall. Before the Exodus, the Hebrew Bible records the story of Abraham’s wife Sarah. She was unable to conceive and could only facilitate her servant Hagar’s union with Abraham to bear a child. This finally led to strife between Hagar and Sarah. Transferring to a modern perspective, men undeniably, share the responsibility for this tragedy, yet male roles disappear in this process in fact. While women’s short-sighted and superficial, men are superior that won’t present in such a scenario. Following the Exodus, Abraham forms a covenant with God. God promised him sovereignty power, land, and offspring. However, for Sarah, God only mentioned her fertility. Sacred religious beliefs offer a harsh and simple definition of women’s value, the container for reproduction. This inferiority is traceable, Adam is created directly by God, while Eve originates from one of Adam’s ribs. It highlighted women’s initial subordinate positioning and rendered them helpless fight to the tragedies inflicted on them. This caused women to incorrectly direct their resentment to infighting with other poor women since they are too weak to against males, the mainstream power. I wish to witness that scene, to witness God arrogantly bestowing a “blessing” upon Sarah, a “blessing” for which women exhaust their eternal health in exchange. This allows me to understand and remember the millennia of pain and oppression women have suffered. This is a gift to me, constantly reminding me of the sense of mission—to be a kind and brave feminist, striving to protect more women and build the coherence of women’s community.
因为intended major写的是gender studies, religious studies and history，我就一口气全提到了。这其实也是我在sybill课上记得很清楚的一段，红颜祸水这套理论在文化中都是共通的，女人就是这样从属的，劣等的，被物化的。夏娃只是亚当的一根肋骨，但是又能引诱亚当去吃苹果，女人做着最低等的角色，干着最恶毒的事儿。她们脆弱而愤怒，只能把对男性的怒火转嫁到同为受害者的其他女性身上，男人在这个过程中总是透明的，他们圣洁伟岸，不参与女人这种短视肤浅的斗争。宗教，世界思想的guideline，根源上不过把女性视为一个用来生育的物件。当男人有无上权力、领土、子嗣的时候，女性只能在地上匍匐，努力让自己做一个好用的工具。
